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Death doesn't scare me. Living does | Strength with substance

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Death doesn’t scare me. Living does

January 27, 2017

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I’m thinking out loud again folks *sigh*

The music above, as well as the accumulation of certain thoughts process, triggered this post, I need to get this off my chest. If you didn’t know: my blog is my diary and writing is my therapy.

How I feel

“We have learned to live our lives trying to satisfy other people’s demands and point of view so much that we are now afraid to be ourselves. Death is not the biggest fear of humans: living is”

Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements)

I’ve always heard this depressing truth that “life is hard” but I’ve actually never taken the time to truly think about it on a much deeper level.

I do appreciate the gift of life simply because the odds of me being born into existence is 400 Trillion to 1 but, at the same time, “living” is one of the hardest task commissioned to any human being.

When you become an adult, it’s like the whole world doesn’t give a damn about you anymore because there is an assumption that you should have your shit together because “you should have everything figured out by now”.

Even when they do give a damn, there’s always a thought at the back of your mind quietly whispering “what if they’re only pretending to care” and then you start hearing statements such as “nobody cares about your problems” which I think is accurate for the most part simply because the people that are supposed to care are far too busy worrying about their own problems! And the funny thing is, they are also in the same boat as you.

The human experience is very cyclical.

There’s more

We get to a stage where we can’t even share our real thoughts, fears and worries with people for various reasons.

Some prominent ones are fear of judgement or rejection, the feeling of embarrassment or looking stupid & etc.

We play out a bunch of “what if” scenarios in our mind that will never happen. We put on a fake smile each and every day pretending that we have our shit together but deep down, we are ready to crumble.

Sometimes, the fake smile is there because we are seen as the “strong one” so this must surely mean that we are impervious to the trials and tribulations of life right? (Sarcasm). Other times, we don’t even get a choice and we are forced to be the “strong one” simply because we have dependents, therefore, we have no choice but to remain “strong”.

If you can relate then I warmly welcome you.

Look listen

I’m aware that life isn’t as black and white as some may think but what if it is?

The truth remains that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US has an internal struggle (at least one) and, if you claim that you don’t… you’re either an alien or a massive liar.

Even Jesus Christ who is the only perfect human being to ever walk the earth had an internal struggle and that guy is GOD in human form, so who the hell are you to be exempted?

My point remains that our “struggles” makes us human but I just feel like we’ve been ‘battered’ to an extent where we are forced to accept that “life isn’t fair“. This is the notion that creates a defeatist mindset. One that makes us less accountable and adopts a victim mindset. One that creates a fatalistic attitude!

I’m not done

I’m an introvert by nature and as such, one of the ways which I acquire knowledge is through observation.

When I look around, more often than not, I see people who are emotionally dependent on others. Let me explain:

How can you claim to be a fully functioning human being but yet, your happiness is reliant and determined by other people and or external factors? Don’t get it twisted; I’m not disputing that we can’t lean on each other to strengthen and empower ourselves through collective intelligence BUT what I fail to understand are those whose self-esteem solely comes from the outside world. I don’t get it.

Has society messed us up so much that we are afraid to be ourselves? No wonder humans resist life.

No wonder suicide rate is high!

Life is hard!

For me personally, I can definitely state that death is NOT my biggest fear. My biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive that is, expressing what I really am. THIS! This is my biggest fear!

We live in a world where we can be surrounded by loved ones but yet we still feel lonely. We also live in a world where we can have all the earthly possessions but yet there’s still a void inside of us. How about a world where persecution, judgement, rejection and fear reigns supreme? You just can’t win man! So what do you do?

I don’t have the answers but suicide is definitely not an option over here so what’s the alternative? Miserably await death to come for me? No thanks. I’m already here. I might as well play the damn game and win. I’m here to cause a wave. I am more than enough!

Life or death doesn’t scare me

As I grow older in wisdom, I’ve come to realise that it’s just me myself and I, solo ride until I die, because I got me for life.

I don’t need a hand to hold even when the night is cold because I got that fire in my soul.

I don’t need anything to get me through the night except the beat that’s in my heart, it’s what’s keeping me alive and I don’t need anything to make me satisfied.

I am more than enough

Don’t forget where you found this article and remember to like, comment and share it! #BeSafeTho

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Timi

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Timi Awolola

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