What’s up, beloved…?
How are things with you so far?
If you’ve read a sufficient amount of my posts then you will know by now that I am unapologetically “introverted” by nature. (Although most people that know me will probably disagree).
However, I wouldn’t exactly say that I fit the traditional definition of an introvert because I am far from timid or shy. I do however acknowledge that I am a lot more reserved than my supremely energetic and extroverted elder brother (Omg! his energy is unreal): as a matter of fact, people often think that I’m the elder one because of my calmer nature and, apparently I also look older too. (Are you mad lol?)
Before we open up Pandora’s Box so to speak, can we just take a moment to acknowledge how messed up our society is as a collective? “Introvert, extrovert and ambivert”. Wtf is up with all of these labels?
Why is it that we always have to categorise and put ourselves into a box?
Why do we need to belong to either ‘this or that group’?
However, don’t get it twisted now: I’m not advocating that you should be that person whose sole purpose in life is to be a contrarian that is, someone that disagrees with everything simply to cause an argument-i.e. a dick, but instead, I’d like us to challenge those reasons preventing us from taking the best of each personality types and becoming the complete package.
I chose to present myself as an introvert because it’s more relatable and helps me to express certain things to you guys a lot better. Although in reality, I really don’t give a damn about any labels because to me, they’re just opinions and, opinions of others are definitely number one on the list of things I could care less about. Let’s just get that one straight.
At the end of the day, I always do what I want.
Not giving a damn about the opinions of others is great in a social context but, when it comes to business, you need to give a damn!
Back to me
I know myself.
I’m a principled man.
I have my core values and, I am well educated enough to know the consequences of my actions. Without a doubt, there is no confusion with the man I see in the mirror.
With the exception of breaking the law and other extreme situations which we don’t even need to discuss…whether my actions are “good” or “bad” is a subjective matter- it really does depend on who you ask but ultimately, I still do what I want regardless of whatever judgement society or anyone else wants to attach to it.
If for example, I decided to go on a night out of debauchery then that’s exactly what I would do. If I wanted to go to church, that’s what I’d do. If I decided to quit my job out of the blue because it’s time to move on, then that’s what I’d do.
The key to happiness?
I figured out a few years ago through observation that doing what I want is probably the key to my happiness but, it wasn’t until I started practising it in my own little ways that I fully experienced its full benefits.
I concluded that “doing what I want” (obviously not to my own detriment) will be the right course of action to take 99% of the time because it’s what I want to do! It’s safe to say that my happiness has increased exponentially based on this. (I cover the other 1% below- which I still think are extreme scenarios and will not be a casual recurrence in your everyday life).
I recall saying to a fat chick that anorexia wouldn’t be a bad idea for her.
Was this harsh? Probably. Was it justified? Maybe, maybe not- it really depends on who you ask but just to give some context, this girl was such a bully and although in hindsight, I think I may have gone a little too far, however, I don’t regret anything because I said exactly what was on my mind at the time! Had I said nothing, I would have gone home feeling like a loser and a coward for not standing up to an insecure bully.
In contrast, I’ve been in another situation where a 34kg Arab guy called me a “nigger” and my only response to him was “God bless you”. Not because I was scared of him (c’mon, the guy probably weigh less than Shaquille O’neal’s poo), but because saying “God bless you” was exactly how I felt like reacting at the time. Besides, I didn’t fancy spending the night in jail for Actual Bodily Harm.
(P.s. It probably didn’t help that I was speaking to a chick who turned out to be his girlfriend. What can I say? I wasn’t privy to such information at the time: all I saw was a gorgeous Persian Princess with luxurious bosoms and, she looked like she needed a husband for 2 nights #Giggity).
Do you get my point?
Doing what I want has been the key to my happiness for a while now. Doing what I want because I trust myself/decisions to be right 99% of the time. I’m really not trying to impress or prove myself to anyone but, don’t get it twisted; there’s levels to this shit.
I don’t trust perfection
Growing up, I wanted to be the “perfect kid” (probably to please my parents). Without a doubt, I was more of an observer and a thinker. I was quiet and calm.
I’ve always been highly calculated and strategic from an early age but this is just a politically correct way of saying that I was a little bitch who played it safe out of fear of disappointing my parents or making mistakes, embarrassing myself and looking stupid.
I never got into too much trouble as a kid.
I wasn’t unpopular during my high school years but, I wasn’t among the most popular either.
I was average at best.
The other 1%
The above is a prologue for what I’d like to discuss with you right now:
As I grew into my late teens, I started to question a lot of my beliefs about myself and soon enough, my behaviour started to change.
I discarded the notion of “appearing perfect” and started to act in the way that I really wanted to but not on the same scale as I do today. Not even close (I’m a savage these days bro lol).
I didn’t do anything too crazy but I come from a strict African household so back then, any small act of rebellion was a big deal for me lol. For example, returning home from college at 6 pm as a 16-year-old boy made me feel like Tupac lol! (How tragic is that haha)
However, I’m not going to pretend that there haven’t been some mishaps during this process of “doing what I want”.
To date; I’ve been knocked out by a stranger and assaulted by a group of bouncers on multiple occasions on nights out. (I’ll save the juicy stories for my podcast. There are even some stories that I would have to carry to my grave).
That said, I don’t regret any of these experiences because I consider them “worst case scenarios” and as such, they will rarely occur in my lifetime, therefore, I refuse to let them deter me from doing what I want.
I’ve even got a little too excited on the sauce and behaved in such a despicable way towards my own brother (who also happens to be my best friend) to an extent where we almost came to blows. (Of course, I would have lost- the guy is huuuuge!)
Do NOT misunderstand me:
‘Doing what you want’ is all fun and games until you’re forced to deal with some real consequences:
I’m a 6’1, 95kg black guy that got knocked the F- it turns out that concrete doesn’t taste very nice lol.
I also have a permanent scar underneath my outer lip to remind me for the rest of my life all because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, in the spirit of “doing what I want”.
Don’t misunderstand me: I’m not advocating that you should weaponise this principle to go out there and become a complete asshole or to start making poor life choices. However, I still strongly believe that the above are extreme scenarios and these shouldn’t deter you from doing what you want to do because it will probably be the right course of action to take. Trust me- this will contribute to your overall happiness, even if it doesn’t work out the way you had envisioned it.
As always, just make sure you carry out your due diligence and don’t put yourself or others in harm’s way.
The bottom line:
I’ve come to realise and accept that perfection doesn’t exist, therefore, I don’t really waste my time pretending to be without flaws or blameless as I navigate through life.
The bottom line is to hold yourself to a high standard and share high-quality experiences with high-quality human beings because truth is, I didn’t find the confidence to start living life on my terms until I stopped “trying” to be perfect. And, interestingly enough, by making this lifestyle change, I have become exceptionally productive as a result it.
Be a winner, not a perfectionist!
Don’t forget where you found this article and remember to like, comment and share it! #BeSafeTho216