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Recreate yourself

Is it foolish to believe you can change people?

June 11, 2017


First of all…if you clicked this article because of the picture then my marketing strategy has won. I just wanted to trap you so that you can collect this mental jewels so don’t you dare leave!

Let’s Get Into It

People need to grow up for believing they can change other people! Real talk.

Don’t misunderstand me: it’s common knowledge to be able to inspire change in others but, to think you can change them is absolutely ignorant, needless to say, it’s a huge waste of time.

You need to understand that people will always do what they want. Regardless of how much you think “you’re finally getting through to them”, in the end, they will ALWAYS do what they want-good or bad.

God blessed us with free-will and trust me; this is a power we all exercise every day of our lives through our decisions, actions and omissions.

It’s such a shame when I see people clinging on to toxic relationships out of sentiment, or false hope that the other party will magically change their behaviour, attitude or life someday.

Let’s not get it twisted now:

I believe in helping people. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t spend some of my precious time blogging about self-improvement BUT, I’m a very logical and pragmatic individual-I understand that I can’t “change” my readers so to speak. That’s not my job- it’s yours.

All I’m simply doing is providing the tools for those serious about personal development to help them so that they can transform into the best version of themselves. How they choose to use the information I’m providing is entirely up to them.

“A loaded gun is useless without a shooter!”

In the words of the late Steve Jobs: be the yardstick of quality.

My aim is to lead by example. I’m simply living my life and sharing my story and sooner or later, you will find that I’m NOT here to engage toxic, lazy or attention seekers who like to bitch about their problems but aren’t remotely interested in exploring real solutions. You’re a basic bitch and I don’t care about your basic bitch problems. We can catch banter every now and again, but if you have a real problem and you’re not willing to attempt the solutions then you can stay away from me- we don’t like pity parties over here.

Now back to you

This post is targeted towards those sentimental individuals that refuse to let go of a toxic relationship and believe they can rescue every “lost cause” out there. Or, as I like to refer to them: The “Captain save a hoe” of humanity.captain save a hoe | you cant change people | strength with substance“…But Timi, she’s like my sister. We grew up together. I can’t just leave her like that. I’ve known her for [*insert long number of years].

Do you know how many times I’ve heard the statement above from some women?! (Just twice but that’s not the point lol). Whenever someone proposes such a story to me, my response has always been the same “SO WHAT?” Listen, you cannot help those who are not willing to help themselves!

However, what I’m NOT telling you to do is to give up on those you claim to love although, there is also nothing wrong with loving them from a distance, especially, after you’ve made so much effort trying to assist them with getting their shit together!

I’m very selective as to those I allow in my inner-circle.

Understand that people are weak by design (myself included- every day is an uphill battle not to fall off) and would rather drag you down than to elevate themselves. By all means, provide help when the request is genuine but keep in mind that it’s far easier to destroy than to build! This is why you also have to be cautious who you choose to invest your time, effort and resources into.

Have you ever heard the old saying that”misery loves company”? Well, the more you expose yourself to toxic individuals, the more likely you will become part of their gang!

As for me, if I feel a very strong negative energy from an individual, I’m out!

Once again: what I’m NOT telling you to do

Don’t be quick to dismiss people and don’t constantly scrutinise their flaws: no one is perfect- not you or me. However, I want you to be on your guard. Become a better judge of character and know when someone is either serious about their goals or just looking to take advantage of your generosity or worse: waste your time and transfer their bad habits to you! Their actions (not words) will reveal all you need to know and from there, you can make an informed decision on how you should proceed.

I’m the type to completely cut people off without a warning if they’ve displayed enough toxic behaviours. I don’t care how long we’ve known each other. Complete detachment. That applies to families, friends, colleagues or whomever.

(Okay, so maybe if you’re a friend and family, I might pull you to the side out of courtesy and bring to your behaviour/attitude to your attention your behaviour but if I have to keep readdressing the same issue over and over again, that’s just a waste of my time and energy #Dueces!)

I’ve always wondered why some would consider cutting people off without warning harsh BUT finds it okay for an individual to remain a cancer in someone else’s life. I find it extremely baffling.

Here’s my philosophy:

If I can’t help you, I certainly won’t contribute to your downfall.

I’ve actually resigned from a job in the past based on this ideology. Why? Because the standard of my work diminished drastically as I’ve mentally checked out of the job but I didn’t think it was fair to allow the organisation to keep burning their financial resources by keeping me on especially when they could hire someone else who would appreciate the opportunity a lot more and provide a greater Return On Investment, so I resigned.

They would have made a financial loss if I had remained with them and I refused to play a role in that.

I say all of that to say this

My words are not rules to follow. As always, I’m just here to offer some perspective.

Don’t be too rigid in the application of certain principles. Be generous but be very wise in your approach. Feel free to exercise your discretion but know when to draw the line. I want you to take my words as tips on how to avoid disappointments from people.

Learn to become a better judge of character so that you don’t get dragged down by evil men/women disguised as “victims”. It doesn’t matter how many “chances” you give to someone, they will keep messing up until THEY make the conscious choice to actively change their own lives. Until then, understand that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing you can do to change this or them. The only aspect you have control over is deciding if they are worth your investment. #EvolveOrDie

Don’t forget where you found this article and remember to like, comment and share it! #BeSafeTho



Timi Awolola